Why don't you do it?

Someone keeps telling to do things above reasonableness...? Have you encountered someone who is good in telling others how to do things but don't do things themselves even though they are supposed to and should do. They keep telling others the ways one should do things. Tell them: If you are so smart, why don't you do it yourself?

Are you laughing because it is funny or belittling someone...?

Don't laugh or jest in a way that you belittle someone esp. someone of higher authority. 

Be constructive and do it for others' good but not laughing down others as if  they are a clown and dump and stupid. It is easy to feel tickled (to appear as if it's a light-hearted affair) and seen to be one up to be able to laugh at others' mistakes, but that action can be sensitive to others esp if he/she holds a high authority or position.

Should one demote oneself to make others laugh....?

This is something that can easily bring laughter to someone else because they immediately feel better about themselves and being better than you. But, is it what you want to project onto others about yourself?

'I look older than you even though I'm 2 years younger' can make someone feel elevated immediately. Is that how you want to demote yourself to make others feel better?


Is it better to share something else that demotes someone else not present in the room? 'I'm still single after so many years and feel embarrassed and think you are so fortunate to have a nice family' does not necessarily brings out sympathy from others on you but more than likely bring out the superiority in others and elevating themselves above you. 


If you have to impress someone: Is is better to talk about the advantages or benefits and positive difference you can make comparing with others elevating yourself, rather than elevating the other party to desperately make the other person "like" or "sympathise" with you.

This technique might work with some people who need to feel good and superior but may not work if the person is looking for someone better to look up to. So, it depends

Just do it...

It's easy to complain about being given a task to do or being told to do something differently from what we have done. We are inherently critical of how others want to do things and only see things in our perspective. It is also in our inherent nature to take short cuts and see things for ourselves rather than others. Sometimes, a little pushing from others may spur us to improve or strive for better quality.


As an employee, have a just do it attitude can help us from being unnecessarily argumentative. Unless we have better advice or opinion to add to the task, it is better not advisable to work with our mouths and avoid work that can benefit and improve the tasks


Just as how we want more from others, the supervisors also have a task to want more from us. If we can help the situation by going to just do it, then just do it. Action talks too.

Disarming....

Disarm people so that they open up to you. Do not let your reaction give you away. 

Pleasantness, light-heartedness, willing to listen, willing to be agreeable as part of conversation process are some keys to being disarming. Not being aggressive, tensed, critical and distant.

Tone....

Your tone of voice is important in a conversation. A calm and steady and humble voice tone has better chances of eliciting a positive response. Check your tone.


(An aggressive, arrogant or demanding tone will bring negative response.)

----
If you are in customer service and facing an angry customer, your slow, humble and agreeing tone can help to calm down the other party.

Try using different tones than what you normally do and see if the response is different from what you usually get.

Get support. Talk to another person... to get support

Make it three people in the conversation:


(1) A & C are talking. A tries to convince C. A turns and talks to B in the room to bring B into agreeing with A, in front of C.
 
(2) A talks to C. No one else is in the room. A wants support. So, what to do? A brings B into the conversation by quoting B that agrees with A

Going the extra mile...

Be humble. Let people know your limitations. They may be more forgiving then. (I got no car)


If the other party is insecure and worry, explain the situation step-by-step. (I trust you. I sent you the money. You should trust me too.)


If someone distrust you for doing less, then go the extra mile and done what they did not expect you to do to help them.

If I were in your shoes....

You! You! YOU!

Instead of saying YOU, you, you which may sound provoking, say: 
-Let's
-One
-He/She/They

Make a lot of noise...

Sometimes to get what you want is to MAKE A LOT OF NOISE. In some cases, you've got to do it MOST TIMES


If someone distrust you, Challenge (TNB) to check or call to confirm.


If you're fearful about something, say it.

---------
---------
Don't throw in extra receipts to make claims that are not relevant. Else, if greed gets you a few dollars or even a few dollars extra, the efforts are not worth it

Are you projecting insecurity, fear, worry, stress onto others...?

Learn to relax. Talk about sweet nothings, your recent experiences. Joke or laugh before getting into the serious message.

Get the person into a relaxed mode or simply trust you better or connect better with you. When you can find some common ground, you feel closer with each other and the conversation hopefully will be warmer.


Common grounds such as: coming from the same state or birthplace, going to the same school, having a daughter, etc. something that can evoke some sentiments
---
Wanting something too much may make you appear desperate, tensed and worked up. But, if you try to put up a false front (pretenses) of  make-belief easy-going, you may appear unnatural and blunder along the way talking about things you shouldn't be talking about. Pretend to laugh at something you don't normally laugh can make one hypocritical and insincere. So, just be yourself...

Don't do something ....as if you're hiding something

If you have done something that shouldn't be done (e.g. printing out recipes for your weekend party or health recipes to stay healthy!), and someone important walked to your desk and he is someone who will appraise your work. Don't hide that piece of paper hurriedly under his nose and looks so suspiciously guilty of espionage! Be apologetic and upfront if you're really asked about it (say something that makes it forgiving) rather than appearing guilty and having something to hide.

Taking responsibility

It is easy to deflect away or blame someone, fearful to admit to inaction. Although it sometimes good to be a little tenacious, it takes more guts to step up and own up to something. Learn to take responsibility and not shy away. Hiding the rubbish under the carpet will only build up the rubbish. Have guts to take out the rubbish if it's. Get the timing right...

Being upfront

Being upfront rather than using under-hand tactics doing things when no one's looking is a no-no and leaves a bad taste (if you're caught).

Admit to what you want to do or ask for permission (email list)

Inform people of expected negative news and make it an "expected" knowledge. Let people know first before they discover unexpectedly those bad things. If your boss has already been informed, he cannot abscond from responsibility.

(Responsible why penalize)

Do you ask enough questions? Are you asking enough questions? Are you afraid to ask questions? Drill down to details.....

Do you ask enough questions?

People get your knowledge when you talk/speak. They know about you but you don't know about them or what they know. Asking the right questions help you to acquire new knowledge and experiences that you would not otherwise gotten.

Asking questions may make some people feel like wanted. It may get them talking and sharing and opening up about themselves.

(Just be careful as the question can turn around if you asks too personal questions-What about you)

Asking permission...

Asking permission from someone gives a sense of authority and importance to someone.

If you asks little children permission before you play with their toys, look at their facial expressions, you can tell they feel you give them a sense of importance and ownership. More often than not they reply positively. It is the same with adults. Inform someone or ask permission before you cross over into their space/authority.

Bringing up different angles...or light-hearted

Are you looking at a subject with a new angle or unexpected angle?


A was exercising. In everyone's eyes and mind, she was doing some free-style exercise for some hours. Someone jokingly said, "What?! yoga and swimming included too!" was funny because it wasn't yoga and the person was lying on the ground.


Every taxi driver complained about the customer being late and traffic jams. One stood out by saying, "It's important you arrived." The customer felt taken aback, as she was expected to be lambasted by the taxi driver for being late. The statement was so different and so impactful.


Asking the right questions that cuts into the depth of the issue that affects/concerns the other person are good questions and make you stand out markedly.

What kind of energy are you giving out? What kind of thoughts in your mind is reflected in the facial expression?

Disarming. Concurring. Ask every little detail. 

(Ask those who are afraid.............)

Yes...Agree....

Someone's sharing her insecurities about something not being done. Someone is asking for a listening ear. Say simply: "Mmmm." "Yes." "Agree." It's that simple. There's no need to argue about the nitty gritty.

(cy agree with alien)

New methods of communication...

Email, tweeting, video, audio, photography, etc.... Are you communicating with these methods?

Someone says.... Simon says.... She says... He says... They say

Want to brush up your own reputation? Quote someone who had praised you and that will immediately build up your reputation.

(Agent says tenants say he preferred to deal with her)

Get someone to negotiate for you...

It sometimes is not easy to negotiate for oneself, because one is so desperate for getting that something. Get someone to negotiate for you... 

(1) Someone to say what you want to say 
(2) Quote someone who had said something for you

I have an alternative......

Can't reach a solution. Find an alternative.

Disarming.... Are you stressed out or in a hurry and.....?

If you are trying to get across as being over-worked to impress your bosses, then it's okay. But, when you are meeting someone for the first time and desperately trying to convince that person, looking stressed out or hurried or impatience or contemptuous or negative or critical is not adding any value. Being desperate also do not count in your favor. It's better to be relaxed and disarming.

Can you think about it..........? (Negotiating)

Negotiating. When do you start negotiating with another person? When he likes or trusts you. If he hasn't started to like you yet, any attempt to negotiated anything become fruitless. The person must be comfortable and generally happy with you. If you have asked for some big requests, ask for time for the person to think about it. Say something how the request can benefit him. DO not be afraid to mention something you have done that benefited him.

Do you question enough? Do you ask enough questions?

It is a joy to listen to others talk and share. When they talk, you learn. When you talk, they learn. It's ok to share. But, do you ask enough questions? Questions help you to learn more, add more to the reservoir of knowledge and understanding. 

Make it a habit to ask some questions everyday.

Ways to communicate

We communicate in many ways:
(1) Impression (image)
(2) Thoughts (what we think about the other person, or matter)
(3) Deeds (what we do, how we treat others)
(4) Our energy
(5) Facial expression
(6) Silence
(7) Body language
(8) History
Also:
Anger
Sweet Nothings
Play poor thing
Expressionless
Objectivity
Condesending
Humility

Who learn most when teaching other? The teacher or student?

ANSWER: Teacher. Have you shared your thoughts with someone today? Suggest you share with someone worthy of your thoughts...

Have you helped someone before...? Talking can also help...

"I have told Janet you are kind."
"I have told John that I only want you for my boss."
"He's a kind person. I have gained from his advice."
"She had a negative opinion about you. I corrected that negative opinion."
"If your children get into financial difficulty, I would promise to help."
"I will do anything to help you prevent the problems from occurring."


Have you helped someone before to gain favor and like status from that someone? Talking can also help. Some people just talk their way up.

Other people are doing it too... (so why aren't you doing it too, that would make you stand out...so join in, yes?)

Sharing an idea or advice. Wanting others to agree with you? If the advice comes from you, it seems obscure. The listener reaction is "ok....why should i listen to you?" But, if you can point out, quote or mention someone who has used your idea/advice and do well, the listener would be more receptive to your idea/advice. Suddenly, the idea doesn't sound so alien and more convincing. There's precedent.

Asking question on your own ideas

Yes, you heard right. Asking questions on your own ideas. Instead of letting others ask that question, you can also ask it and answer it yourself. By asking, you are also participating in critically evaluating the issue and answering questions in the mind of the listeners. It creates curiosity and continued attention to the issue raised. It also makes discussion more interesting with some added interaction of the mind rather than monologue direct delivery.

You tell me. It is so easy, huh???

Before you advise or teach someone something (share ideas or experiences or technique), the person does not know and is ignorant or blur. When you open the big mouth, he knows. You tell, so I know. When someone knows already and get it easy, they will think hey it's not that difficult and they know and it doesn't seem like a big deal. So, how do you tell and how do you make it worth its weight in gold. Whatever experiences shared and taught to others is worth its weight in gold for someone who doesn't know. 

Between the thin line of I don't know what not or how about this | You tell, so I know and it seems so easy. Remember it is a thin line and when the other person knows already, he may react "Uh-oh, so easy. Nothing speacial. Yeah, I know. What's the big deal?" But, before you tell him, he could be banging his head against the wall for the ignorance, so how do you make your idea stand out big time. Talk about it deeply. Peel the onion skin one by one. Phase out the discussions over several sessions. Make the listener pay each time. Ground and grind the issue. Make it difficult to learn. 

Break it into different sub-topics. Drill down.  

Do not be afraid to elaborate so others understand. It is better to paint a story of comprehension rather than give one line factual statement.

Challenge the person for an answer: Dare the person to speak up. Dare the person to answer

There are some situation whereby there are just some annoying people who snigger, make rude remarks in the background when one is speaking in the group. It doesn't help if one speaks up or ask questions and put into the spotlight because one wants to know more or there are matters that should be pointed out to the speaker. The annoying people are usually cowards who linger in the background because they are afraid to ask questions in public and faced others or they are simply annoying because it is in their nature to be annoying. In this situation, challenge them to answer or debate you in public right in front of the group.


When you put them into the spotlight, they will freak themselves to death and would pose less troublesome to you later. Simply ask them rational questions that they should answer. If they snigger some stupid answer in the background to the question you have just asked the speaker. Holding the microphone and pointing to the snigerer in public and ask him "The question is directed to the speaker? Are you the speaker?" He is obviously not the speaker and would tame down.


There are other options available such as "What is so funny about the question?" Ask the person to identify himself and he may freak out because the fact he is sniggering in the background is because he is a coward in the first place. These cowards would be so scared and so surprise that people are not afraid of them. They snigger because they think they can be annoying and get away in the dark. Or, suggest that they become the speaker if they are so good and know everything.

I'll get back to you later... (Or, stay silent)

Asked a question or situation, and you are not ready to respond? Maybe you are in a bad mood, busy, in a tight situation or simply want to deflect the attention from yourself. Say, "I will get back to you later" or "Can I get back to you later" Or, stay silent. 

It is entirely up to you if or when you get back to the person. Sometimes, the person might forget. Sometimes, when the heat of the situation has reduced, your answer would not be put in a tight spotlight anymore. It may give you more rest and focus later to reply in a more meaningful way in the time of your choosing or better timing.

He listened to me....and strike big!

You want to get people to listen to your idea/advice. You suggested that they do this (let's say take action A). Unless, you have achieved some reverence status, some common reactions are likely: "Who do you think you are telling me what to so?" "Does it work?" "I don't believe it will work". But, if you can add this simple ending to your advice: "He listened to me....and it worked!" Someone listened to you and had achieved great results will increase the acceptance rate of your advice. Try it...

Which one is better? The bad or the worse?

If you have an option (or idea) that you want accepted. Make that a good case. Now that is easier said than done. No one buys an idea that sounds too rosy or too good to be true. So, balance it up mention about the bad side too and make it a bad case. But, wait. Make out another scenario and make this other case so bad that it is a worse case scenario. Between the bad and the worse case, guess what will people choose? That's right the bad case, because the bad case is better than the worse.

Is it a mistake?

It is good to evaluate your own mistakes and correct them. But, stop harping on your mistake.

My top 20 picks on Communication Books

My top 20 picks for best communication books. You can buy these books online. My number one pick is an ebook. The rest are physical books that you can find in the bookshops or buy online at Amazon. I will be listing my top picks here, and later individually talk about the reasons why I choose these books in other blog posts.

My top twenty picks: (Click on the links to buy online at Amazon. Amazon offers the best deals and discounts.)


(1) How to Talk Your Way to the Top @ Work, in Business and in Life (Click Here)

(2) How to Develop Self-Confidence And Influence People By Public Speaking (Click Here)

(3) How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (Click Here)

(4) The Dilbert Principle: A Cubicle's-Eye View of Bosses, Meetings, Management Fads & Other Workplace Afflictions [Paperback] (Click Here)

(5) How to Become a Rainmaker: The Rules for Getting and Keeping Customers and Clients (Click Here)

(6) Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships (Click Here)

(7) Jack: Straight from the Gut [Paperback] (Click Here)

(8) Personality Plus: How to Understand Others by Understanding Yourself [Bargain Price] [Paperback] (Click Here)

 

 

More to come....

What do you think?

This is a magical question. It can give back the discomfort you are facing back to the questioner. It is also a good way of getting approval for your suggestion. How does that mean?


This is one of the most powerful statement you can make. After I informed an office executive about this, he used it to gain free top-rated advice from people around him.


This question is so versatile. It can also be used to give back to those people who annoy you with comments e.g. ask you dumb questions. By asking him back "What do you think?" He now got to answer back his own dumb question!


If he doesn’t know the answer, that makes you a hero, and if has got a better answer, then just take the better answer.


This also helps you to seek others opinion or approval without being seen as dumb.

Are you a "wow wow" person....?

At work, people may not accept a colorful person. If you can stick out like a sore thumb and carry yourself well to ward of the negative responses, then it is okay. But as a general rule of thumb, it doesn't go down well to being too colorful.

Why can't you find these great books in your local book store? Why buy online

The physical book reaching out to others has limitation in distribution because the success depends solely on how the bookstores and distributors are willing to market the book. With thousands and thousands of books coming into the book market, the book stores and distributors are often caught up in the moment by the latest books coming on board. Older books (even if it's a year old) are being shelved because of shelf space limitations. But, some of these older books are great books. Or, the book shop is so huge and stocked with so many thousands of books, it becomes over-whelming to choose a good book to invest in. We have limited time to invest our precious time to indulge into the right book. You don't want to spend some 3 hours reading a pathetic book and then decide that was a bad investment. Not only money goes out the door, but precious limited time also goes out the door. So, we have listed our top picks for communication books here. These are printed physical books that you can buy online. There's one e-book that we recommend is "How to talk Your Way to the Top @ Work, in Business and in Life". Visit www.how2talkeffectively.com

Sometimes when you are trying to say something to correct a situation may be taken as negative....

.... so be careful. Is it worth helping someone who is negative and full of negativity and is a small potato? Or, help some one who is appreciative. Any advice is worth its weight in gold.


Whatever advice one wants to give out, give out humbly and with humility and not boastful or i know all i know it better than you do attitude but with an intention to help.

You are nice.... I tell people you are nice

You are good.... I tell him you are good at your work
You are kind... I tell her you are a very kind person
You are good... I like your work. I like your leadership. I support you. I won't know what will happen without your leadership and support.


Be nice to people. Say nice things. Tell others about the nice things you said. People will like you.

We are looking for writers. Want to contribute?

We want to share information on communication skills with people who visit our blog. We realize our knowledge is limited to what we experience, see, observe and hear around us. We will appreciate if you want to add your experience or share your real life stories here. We are looking for articles somewhere between 400 to 1,000 words. 

Credit will be given to you when the articles are published here. Only original articles are preferred. You can contact us at the comments page provided by this Google blog. We look forward to hearing from you and reading your articles!

Dale Carnegie

In another article, we'll talk about his other most famous book on public speaking. Personally, I felt this book is really useful for people who want to do speaking in public such as seminar, conduct a class or a group training, or speaking in church. The book is

How to Develop Self-Confidence And Influence People By Public Speaking

He who shouts loudest wins....

Want your problem solved?

Want something badly?
Want to be paid?

Whatever you want, bear in mind: He who shouts loudest wins....

Want something: Nag. Repeat. Voice out. Repeat. 
Don't know anything: Search. Find. Ask.  

Selling bad stuff...works too!

When you open the newspapers, what do you read? All the bad news. It is said that psychologically one feels better to know there are other people worse off than us. (It is a bit sad but because we are in a rat race, anything that makes us better off, makes us a tad happier. Bad news are good for newspapers)


Whether you like it or not: Selling bad stuff works. Not just for the newspapers. Selling bad stuff about things around you lends some relevance to what you are saying. It may help to make you stand out as being observant or caring. Pointing out bad stuff to help prevent people from falling into the same black hole may indeed make you stand out. Pointing out bad stuff may put you in a negative light. So, end it with the intention to help the other person and make it explicitly clear.

Selling hope...

Selling hope to another person works. Sell goodness, benefits and hope/dream (not hope for a small dream but a big big dream) to the other person. You will get the response you want...

Sell. But you don't have products to sell? Selling does not refer to selling wares only, but it means convincing or persuading others to your ideas, opinions or to what you say.


To millionaire wannabe - you sell millionaire and the life style and lots of money, etc (you don't sell millionaire status to a millionaire but billionaire status)


To non-house owner - you sell owing a big house, etc

To a loser - you sell hope for big ticket item (that's why lotteries sell well even in economic recessions)

To a mortal human being - you sell immortality, heavens, reincarnation and hope for a better life beyond

Book Review - How to Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie

How to Win Friends And Influence People, the title itself is captivating. The blog author's first reading of the book dated some 30 years ago. It definitely captivated a young teenager then who quoted the book in the resume and got a few job interviews.


The book was written many many years ago. The original version by the author, Dale Carnegie who has passed on, had been revised by people likely to be given the permission by the Dale Carnegie's estates. Personally, the blog author prefers the original version. However, the revised version is still worth an investment for personal development. Even though the examples were taken from a life that existed some decades ago and may not be highly reflective of the current pace of life, but there are some very good gems in the book to take away. 

Dale Carnegie's name is a household name or an institution in the communication or personal / corporate development industry. If you want to attend a Dale Carnegie's course, it can cost around $700 to $3,000. So, investing in the book is definitely easier on the pocket. Check out the complete set of Dale Carnegie's books at Amazon.

Book Review - How to Talk Your Way to the Top @ Work, in Business and in Life

This book is currently available with a limited number of physical copies in one country only as a testing ground. The  physical books would be withdrawn soon from the bookshops so that there is only one version available, the e-version or ebook. Why? This is so that the ebook can reach out to the world as long as there is internet access. The purpose is to reach out to as many people as possible so that no one is limited by the chance to grow in his/her communication skills.

The book aims to improve your communication or talking skills with people at work and with people around you. As a bonus for ordering online for the ebook, the author throws in three (3) additional ebooks as bonuses plus one (1) mystery bonus not available anywhere except on the website: www.how2talkeffectively.com

 

The book is packed with plenty of real life examples. Unlike some books that consist of a lot of theories that sound like PHD thesis, this book packs in plenty of conversation examples taken out from real life between different people in different life situations. The book simplifies / unblock a lot of the communication blockages. 

It highlights the common mistakes people often make in the daily conversation unknowingly and the examples of how the successful people speak in those circumstances. It has plenty of pictorial explanations and story snippets. It is easy to read. Simple and enjoyable, yet making learning fun and un-forgetable. It cuts out all the unnecessary long sentences used by some other authors to beef up books, and cut to the chase. It is highly suitable for busy people hoping to aim high in their life at work, in business and in life. And, want to learn new knowledge at the finger tips real fast. Check it out.

Using other people to speak for you...

It is too emotional to deal with one's intention. What does that mean? Negotiating for oneself often carries some emotional baggage that might hinder the influence of what the negotiator (you, in this instance) is trying to do. 

Of course, there's the chance the negotiator is not good or effective enough that can still affect the outcome of the negotiation. One is always passionate for one's own interest. But, being over-passionate can come across as hard sell or hard-up sell. When you want something too much, the other side will have the upper hand or might feel pressed and need to backoff. The other party might reject your advances. So, one can try to get someone else to negotiate for oneself if the self-negotiation spells less positive outcome if one deals with it alone.


So how?


If you are negotiating with A, do you know A's friend or trusted buddy. Talk to A's buddy and get him to negotiate for you. The rapport the buddy the buddy shares with A can help to mellow down the blockages.


A can be a property seller. A can be your daughter. A can be someone who is your boss or someone who might have a negative impression of you and you are trying to put right that impression. A can be anybody.

The negotiator can be the seller's friend, your daughter's friend, your boss's trusted confidante or colleague, your enemy's friend - A reasonably good and trustworthy friend.
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Other negotiator books will tell you to understand the needs of the person you are negotiating with... but this is not covered in this discussion here.

For your benefit...to achieve your ultimate dream

To get someone to respond to your proposals/suggestions, talk about the advantages your proposal/suggestion going to bring to that person. The benefits should reach out into the ultimate dreams of what the person hope to achieve in their heart/mind.

More expensive to less expensive...

A skilful and experienced insurance consultant will show you an expensive policy first, then show you the next one that is less expensive. When you see the expensive policy you might flip because of the high price budget item. Then, to your relief, you see the next policy with a price within budget. You think, you can afford that because comparatively it is cheaper and affordable. Because there's comparison, so you can appreciate the difference and cheaper in pricing.

Just as a salesman selling you furniture. If you visit the furniture store, he keeps taking you to the same furniture at cheap prices and ask you to buy because that's within your budget, you do not feel any difference, you just see the same annoying cheap furnitures whenever you visit. However, if the salesman takes you to the expensive corner for expensive furnitures, and then take you to the cheaper section, you might sense the difference in pricing and start to calculate how much you save if you go for the cheaper models. 

Well..it may or may not work for some people, but the importance is to create a comparison between the expensive and less expensive, or the good and the worse. So, that people think they are getting a bargain. This is not just in selling a service or furniture or products. If you want to know how to sell yourself up to the top, you may want to check out the communication books at www.how2talkeffectively.com

Fear of Rejection - Break the Ice...

Speak up with no fear of rejection. Rationalize. Don't know what to talk about. Talk about anything that interest you. Ask questions. Ask to get. Don't know about something. Ask for some explanations.

Using God...

Some people use "god" to bring influence others. Although it is rather disgusting or sneaky to use "god" to make others trust oneself, but the bottom line is: it works. 

How? Tell others you are godly or walking with god. How god had saved your life from something horrible and how you have become a better person or given good things by god after you have sought out god, as a result of godly influence. How you seek out god's presence, agreement or principles regularly in your daily routines. How you hope that the person you are persuading trust god and therefore seek god's permission to act or make that important decision. Speak positive about godly influence. 

The logic is this, a godly person can be trusted. A godly person will do good and has influence from god, so if he/she asks you to buy/do something the suggestion might have come from god himself and therefore good and for your benefit. You should not go against god's will, so do what the person is saying. If god says it's good, then it must be good. Because god is supposed to be good.

There you go, a godly principle practiced by many successful marketeers. No books will tell you in the face about this principle but it works. Just see how religions have transcends different nations, race and borders.

Beware, some scams have used this to their utmost advantage. But, because it works, normal people (non-scammers) are entitled to use this technique too.



A godly person wouldn't lie or exaggerate the truth and speak with honesty. The godly person might go to the extent of inviting you to his godly gatherings to try to make you a better person. Such "holy person" sure sound like a trustable person. So, take out your wallet, credit card or write that check and bank it in. The sale closes. The call to action receives positive response. The suggestion receives agreement.

The best thing about this technique is that even though you did not receive the exact results for what you paid for or made to believe, but because the person has done it with such good intentions, for your own good or for your great benefits, you will be more forgiving and take it more gently, as compared with someone else who outright annoys you or did not play in the godly stage and for this other person, you might take some not so friendly actions or say some not so friendly things...

USP - Urgency, Scarcity, Popularity...

In the book Persuasion by Cialdini, he shares on 3 major principles amongst others on persuasion. These major principles have been used over and over again by successful marketers such as major insurance companies, internet marketers, etc. These 3 major principles are: USP

(1) Urgency - Creating urgency for the discount offer you are making e.g. the offer closes by midnight today. After this the offer closes.

(2) Scarcity - There is a limited stocks available e.g. 20 items. It is only available to the first 20 who take actions. Rewarding the winners or people who take action. After the 20, no more special offers will be available. Offer reverts back to original price which is at a premium.

(3) Popularity - Whether it is socially accepted by others e.g. proof of testimonials given by others. Ask a question to those present who support your proposal. Let the show of hands prove the social acceptance.

These 3 major principles have helped Robert G. Allen to exponentially increase his wealth. According to Robert, he could not sell his seminars for top dollars. He had to beg people to come to his seminar. But, after he had learnt the golden techniques from Cialdini, he sold many seminars that increased his wealth. Who is Robert Allen. He has written many New York Times Bestsellers. He has built his wealth on properties, books, seminars and internet.

In the modern days, because there are so many people selling some things or services, one persuasion technique not mentioned in Cialdini's book is giving away free stuff. FREE.

Give to get. 

Such as throwing in free ebooks, free seminars, bonuses, free videos, audios, etc for people to take action. The biggest example on the interent is Google. Name all the free stuff Google is giving away. Plenty: Gmail, Android, Maps, Google Earth, Blogs, Site, Analytics, Google Keyword Tool, Google Plus, etc etc.The returns are bountiful.



How to create a powerful USP? 
U-Ultimate Advantage
S-Sensational offer
P-Powerful promise

What is this powerful promise? Such as making the statue of liberty disappear if you are a magician.

Your energy speaking up for you...

It is important that you check the energies in/around you. The energies you are emitting would likely influence the people's reaction or response towards you. Check your energy before you make your next communication with another person. If you are experiencing bad day, the energy you emit would be bad. But, if it's positive, the transmission/reaction/response would highly likely also be good.

Communication Books

Successful people do not have time to write and tell you how to talk. If they were successful, they would be busy creating wealth and thinking about how to get more money or get better health. So, where do you find good communication books for guidance? 

It makes it difficult to find these communication gems unless you go into the gems mines several thousands deep into the earth (that means ravage out the entire Amazon the biggest book store in the world). 

There are good communication books BUT they are not called communication books but something else. Huh?

For example, one of the best male and female relationship (therefore communication) books is not called relationship communication books but "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" or "Stop Getting Dumped"

For example, another good marketing communication book is not called "how to communicate" or "how to market" or "how to sell" or "how to become a good communication expert" but "How to become a Rainmaker" by Jeffrey Fox. Or, check out One Minute Salesman.

A powerful workplace communication book is not titled "communication at work or in the office", but titled "Jack Welch:Straight From the Gut". In fact, a lot of people think Scott Adams only draw Dilbert cartoons but his books are packed with a lot of communication skills techniques for people in the office and workplaces. 

Some people think certain books are only for parents, but these books are really eye-openers on how one can communicate persuasively and influence others around us such as this book "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen". If it works for kids, it works for adults and everyone else too!







Lets some of these books make a difference to your life.The author has personally read these great books and have no worries in recommending them to you.

If you do not mean it, don't say it....

If you don't feel it, don't say it. 

If you don't believe in something (or have a passion for something), then don't say it.

If you do not mean it, don't say it.

Persistence counts...

Persistence counts... a lot. To succeed, you have to persist. Persist in pursuing your idea. Talk about it. 

Repeat.

When you repeat it loud and long enough. Soon, people will  start to accept your suggestion, idea or proposal.

Hate salesman? Don't. Never. You have to be one if you want to succeed...

In life, you sell 100% of the time. Sell your thoughts, deeds, ideas, opinions, wares, etc. 

You are negotiating for better life, better pay, better reputation, higher respect, better deal, better seats, better discounts, better quality or quantity in whatever you are having, etc. 

You are negotiating 100% of the time. You negotiate with your colleagues, bosses, business partners, customers, suppliers, contractors, friends, children (little kids best negotiation technique is to scream and shout for what they really want and persist - the most natural way to negotiate), spouse, partner, salesmen at the shops, etc. 

So, learn how to sell your ideas. Learn how speak and talk your way to the top at work, in business and in life...

Let it the cat out before it is discovered...

If you are responsible for task A and something happens that needs the attention of B...

If you let B discover about A without informing B, chances are B will get upset. But, if you first warn or inform B before B finds out about it, chances are B is more forgiving. 

To tell or not to tell...?

There are 2 ways to promote yourself...

(1) Either you trumpet the deeds out loud, blasting out the benefits the other person(s) received, or your contributions that are so beneficial and powerful and good

Or

(2) You put down the other person to make yourself to make yourself look better.

How? Find out how to do it without stepping on people's toes. Check out www.how2talkeffectively.com how to do it right.

Sell Yourself Constantly In the Workplace

A lot of people stop selling themselves after they get the job. They get into their jobs and focus on the technicalities and get sucked into the problems. Most times, they spend 100% of the time behind their tools e.g. computers, etc. or away from their bosses as much as they can.

However, the idea of promoting yourself and your abilities to solve problems doesn't stop at the job interview. It c-o-n-t-i-n-u-e-s even after you have got the job. It never stops. This is how your boss evaluates you for your position:

When you are at the interview
You are offered your first income after you have impressed your future boss in the interview. (1) He assesses how and what you communicate on your past job experiences. (2) He offers you the job based on what he thinks or expects you can do.

When you are in the job
When you are into the job, you will expect a pay rise or job promotion as time travels. He will offer the pay rise or job promotion based on exactly the same criteria as he assessed you at the interview. (1) How you communicate so that he knows what you have done to solve the problems in your job. (2) He offers you the job promotion based on what he thinks or expects you can do if he gives you that promotion. Most times this is based on what he sees or hears from you.

The formula never changes
The only difference is how much percentage % you will put into marketing your own self. Do you put aside 10% to 20% of your time to communicate your achievements in the job to your bosses? Or, are you stuck 100% into your job with no time to market your own product (your intangible achievements)?

Why do you need to sell yourself? Because your boss is not next to you all the time. He does not know all the efforts and contributions you put into the job, or he forgets (people often do). Your job is to let him know or to remind him of your achievements so that he thinks of you when there is an open job position to move someone up the ladder.

Do you buy certain products because you have seen it reported or advertised on TV, magazines or on the internet? Are you perhaps a little skeptical of some products you have not heard before, or where information available publicly is limited? It is the same analogy as that elusive job promotion you want. It goes to whoever has succeeded in selling himself at the workplace.

Visit www.how2talkeffectively.com for some top quality communication books not found in Amazon, ebay, etc..

Effective Communication: How to Promote Yourself at Work

It is not easy to promote yourself. You have made a positive contribution for the benefit of the company. But, your bosses were not around to witness the situation. Yet, you want them to know so that your efforts are recognized and they remember you for the next job promotion. If you make blatant loud claims, people may think of you as a show-off. Yet, some people do it so effortlessly and get recognized for the next job promotion.

How do you impress your bosses and co-workers so that they think well of you and recognize your contributions? Is it possible to do so without being ostracized? Yes, you can.

Here are some practical suggestions:

Tell An Interesting Story
Report like a journalist. Describe what happened rather than boasting loudly and focusing on you. Give details of how things happen from A to Z, highlighting the interesting angle. It doesn’t have to be a unique story about aliens falling from the sky. An interesting but ordinary daily encounter can be a good starting point for your story. Because it involves you, people will remember what you contributed.

Add Some Light Humor
Interject some light humor. Nothing beats a funny story to draw attention. If it is funny, people will hear you out. A witty person is often seen as more intelligent. It doesn’t have to be a 5-Star joke that you memorize from some bestseller joke book. It can be a simple statement of how unexpectedly someone behaved or how different a situation turned out. Laughter can bring people together. Laughter also lightens the atmosphere.

Bad Vs Good. Before Vs After
Describe the situation before you solved the problem. How bad it was, and how good it is after you have resolved the matter. It gives magnitude towards the difference you have made to the situation. Compare the worse (negative) that it was and how well (positive) it turned out after you have intervened.

What Is Your Reason
Try not to make stand-alone statements. Support your statements. Add a reason why you say or do something. When people understand why you’re doing something, they will tend to be more acceptable to what you say.

Who Else Agrees With You
Who else is in agreement with you? When you have support from other people, it will tone down people’s (your listeners) inherent defensive nature to critically evaluate your statements. People now are not dealing with you alone. They are dealing with you and a few other people who happen to share the same opinion. With strong support, your statements will go a long way.

Visit www.how2talkeffectively.com for some top quality communication books not found in Amazon, ebay, etc..

Effective Communication Skills: Do You Agree Men Communicate Better Than Women in the Workplace?

Effective Communication Skills: Do You Agree Men Have Bigger Promotions And Paychecks Because Men Communicate Better Than Women? 

In a TV interview on a leading news channel, a former Secretary of State, had admitted that men fared better than women in the communication skills. 

Men are bolder in expressing their opinions. They assert their ideas in meetings. Women tend to be consensual and compromising. They tend to go along with other people’s ideas. And, this has some significant influence on the fact that more men are promoted into the top jobs in the workplace. It is undeniable that women are catching up fast, but men still dominate the top jobs in the corporate world.

There are many women and men who lack in communication skills. It is said that the fear of public speaking is greater than death for most people. According to psychiatrists, the fear of public speaking is caused by the fear of ostracism, the fear of standing out, the fear of criticism, the fear of ridicule, the fear of being an outcast. The fear of being different prevents most people from seeking new ways to solve their problems.

This is where the great men are separated from the little men – the fear of public speaking. The great men conquer fear. The little men enslave themselves to fear. 

Many people are fearful of public speaking. The fear is real. They speak eloquently in private circles. But stage fright eats up all the bright ideas. They get all worked up, speechless and make a fool of themselves in front of others.

However, management judges your potential based on your charisma and workplace communication skills. From your words they know how much knowledge and worth you are hiding behind your brains. However, at office presentations and meetings the right words just don’t flow out. You have sound technical knowledge and practical ideas. Yet, your ideas lived and died with each project that came into being and gone. Yet, you wished the project could have performed better on your suggestion. Yet that never happened. Why? Blame it on the lack of confidence, courage and communication skills. 

To improve communication skills in the workplace: Train yourself to speak up. Do mock presentations and video yourself. Then replay to review yourself critically. Or you could build up your confidence through speaking in a church or toastmasters club.

Your ability to speak up in front of others or make presentations on the flipchart, whiteboard, projector, rostrum or stage is a necessary evil for executives. You can no longer hide behind a quiet demeanor or make monosyllable statements but expected to lead the floor with your ideas and suggestions.

Visit www.how2talkeffectively.com for some top quality communication books not found in Amazon, ebay, etc..

How to Improve Your Communication Skills in the Workplace and in Business?

People struggle at work because they spent years in school hoping to get a good job upon graduation but it taught them NOTHING about how to talk and influence their way to the top. They don’t get promoted because they are good at talking with people around them, but not with people above them. Here are some suggestions how you can improve your communication skills in the workplace and in business:

Observe And Learn From How Successful People Talk
Observe and learn from the top executives in your workplace. Make opportunities to attend meetings or work with them. Observe how they sell their ideas and communicate with people. You can also watch TV interviews of top executives being interviewed. Study how they express themselves.

Train Yourself To Speak Up
Do mock presentations and video yourself. Then replay to review yourself critically. Do you see an eloquent leader in the making? Identify the areas for improvement and re-do the video presentations until you are happy to see the way the person (you) communicate in the video.

Speak In Church
You could build up your confidence through speaking in a church. The church is a good platform to improve your communication skills as a lot of church activities revolve around speaking publicly in groups.



Join A Toastmasters Club
Or, join a toastmasters club in your area. A toastmasters club gathers like-minded people in regular meetings to express their ideas and make speeches. Members evaluate and give each other marks for the expressions and speeches, with the objective to improve each other’s presentation skills.

Practice Talking And Selling Your Ideas
With modern computer technology, people’s communication skills have fallen backwards. People type rather than talk verbally, and feel more comfortable hiding behind their computers. Most successful business deals, however, are still transacted in a face-to-face meeting. It has, therefore, become even more urgent to practice selling your ideas. Get into office meetings and customer presentations in the workplace that allow you to improve your communication skills so that you can be natural in front of others.

Read Communication Books That Has Plenty of Real Life Examples
Go to the bookshop and look for good communication books. Find one that has plenty of everyday real life examples that you can learn from.

Attend A Communication Skills Course to Improve Your Chances for the Next Job Promotion
Most companies have an annual training budget. Check out your staff manual. Find a suitable course and get approval from your boss to utilize the training budget to improve communication skills. Or, suggest to your training department to include a communications skills course into their training agenda for you.

Visit www.how2talkeffectively.com for some top quality communication books not found in Amazon, ebay, etc..

How to say yes without being seen as a yes-man?

If you agree with another person, you can say "yes" which is the norm. But, if you keep saying yes without anything to add, it can make you sound like a cardboard yes man. There are some ways you can say yes that can give you a upper hand:

• You can rationalize your reasons of agreeing so that it seems you have thought about it. 

• Or, you can summarize up what the other person has said in your own words. People has different style of speaking. So, rather than saying just "Yes, i agree with you. You sound logical. It can support the project." which sounds so cliche and wooden. 

• Or, ask questions but with a purpose to confirm what was said. Repeat the whole idea but in your own words, in other words confirming what the other person say, and checking with them with some questions thrown in for the other person to confirm (in return) to agree with you. See, how you can turn the table around. The other person now say "yes to you" rather than you say yes to him. Because you are repeating in your own words and asking him questions to confirm your understanding, he has to agree with you in front of others to agree that it's what he had just said.

PS. Ask intelligently. But, if you don't know or blur about what he had just said and if you're asking too much dumb questions, you can appear dumb. The note here is that you somewhat know and you are getting him to say yes to your understanding so that there is no misunderstanding later and to enhance your understanding.

How to Talk Your Way to the Top

Dear Friends,

People struggle because they spent years in school hoping to get a good job upon graduation but it taught them NOTHING about how to talk and win their way to the top. They don't get promoted because they are good at talking with people around them, but not with people above them.

This 52-GEMS communication blueprint shares the secret strategies of highly successful people. All the lessons are derived from real life true examples. Find out how successful people talk their way to the top while others talk their way into troubles. This easy-to-read blueprint teaches you:

o How to Avoid Communication Problems
o The Secrets of How Successful People Speak
o How to Make Others Listen to You

o Influence People With Winning Speaking Methods

These effective communication strategies are destined to change your life and career for the better. 

A wise man said,
"Every time you open your mouth,
you audition for success."

Visit www.how2talkeffectively.com for some top quality communication books not found in Amazon, ebay, etc..

Get a partner...i mean support

You want to get support for what you say or your ideas in front of your colleagues/co-workers or friends. Bring along a partner, a friend, a sidekick. When you have support, people are hesitant to talk you down because you appear strong and not alone.

Giving advise, sharing or discussing....

What is the best way to learn something...or enhance your understanding on a subject. It is to share the knowledge. Advise. Share. Discuss. Advising others is therapeutic. Advising others - what goes round comes back. You will remember the most of the good advice you shared. If it is good, chances are you will adopt it for your own good use. But, beware, so as not to be seen as show-off. There are some stupid people (because they don't like to hear others give advice, they may think they are smart, or just think negatively of others' kind intention) be subtle, so that you're not seen as a smart aleck or over-bearing. 

Giving advise sharing sometimes do bring good ideas to you. Something you never thought about. The ideas might come when you are talking about it. So, if you're stuck and looking to solve a problem, talk about it and see the ideas coming to you... Another advantage, people listening to you can give you feedback and that will lead you to think of different angles you never thought off. So, good luck in looking for ideas and building up your own soul.


On how to talk effectively, please visit www.how2talkeffectively.com

ASK QUESTIONS!!!!

People do not ask enough questions to learn... I'm a victim of this weakness. When people ask you, they learn from you. When you ask them, you learn from them.

Bad people try to demotivate others from asking questions. If they are kind or good, they would be kind enough or helpful to answer your questions. So, why follow these people whose only intention is to discourage people from learning more. Just make sure the questions are worth asking or incisive or intelligent that can bring forth something useful rather than just a lot of gas.

Unfortunately, the office is not a place for personal problems...

...unless you are seeking sympathy.

Most people are dying for gossips to perk up their boring day. If one does not want to be a gossip item, best is to stay away from revealing too much personal side of yourself.

Not too colorful...

Being subtly colorful in conversations is okay in the office. But being too colorful in character in the office will draw unnecessary or unwanted attention to you. It really depends on the job environment you are into. If you're a marketing person, then yes you would be expected to have a slightly more colorful personality. But, if you're a lawyer or accountant where boringness rules the day, being too colorful might make you stand out like a sore thumb.

Silence...can be powerful. Logic wins also...

People like to talk and argue and win and make a lot of noise. Silence or momentary silence between sentences can sometimes be more powerful than a lot of noises. Arguing with powerful logic is very important at the corporate office. 

People make decisions based on the presentation of logical and how people can argue themselves out of the way into or out of a decision. Most people cannot see every angle. So, by bringing up other angles bring some freshness into the conversation and consideration. Talk like a lawyer. Talk to win.

No rapport... No gel... No toxic dump

Put it this way, there are people who are inherently different and opposite from us. Their Bazi (life code) does not gel with one's character. So, no matter what you say is not going to sink in. There are also rotten and nasty people out who thrive in backstabbing and badmouthing others to look good, that no matter how much sincerity and help you give them, they simply just spit back at you. These people are really not worth your time. Avoid them if possible. 

There the toxic energy dump who thrive in dumping their toxic energies and feelings and opinions to others. Avoid these people too.

Helping people adds A++ to your side

If you want person A to support you in your ideas, actions, ventures...shower person A with lots of help, kindness, favors, sweet-nothings, sweet-somethings, advice, support, moral support, public support to buy A over. A would be on your side and support your ventures. That's common fact...just the extend on how far you want to go to buy over A's votes. 

Just make sure you trumpet it loud enough for A to remember and realize your votes. Remind again and again. Don't feel embarrassed to blow up your "good deeds" in detail. Once you shy from blasting out your help, people may not be so sure of your support.
 

Using local lingo, slang or a different language, proverbs...adds the oomph

Dropping some interesting local lingo, slang or common phrases of a even different language (common words that local people know), proverbs adds some freshness to the conversation and might induce lightheartedness into the conversation, and increase the receptiveness of your expressions (of ideas, thoughts, opinions). Try it. Drop some vibrant colors into your conversation...

Use a mild example to stop a more annoying action...

If you want A to stop doing B action. But, before you can say it, A has gone on to do C which is more annoying than action B. While A is doing C and annoying you, mention that A should stop doing B (which is more distant now) and A would indirectly be led to stop doing action C, because A would be wondering and tracking back to action B and indirectly stop doing C... 

Asking A to stop doing action C would make you sound harsh because you are directly ordering the person to stop doing C. By referring to something past like B that A should stop doing does not sound so demanding.... By putting a negative feeling into A, A would not continue to do action C

Anger...used cautiously can tame some people...

People like to step over the weak. Sometimes anger managed well can fend off the bullies who pick on the weak. Being angry and reacting to something unfair may prevent future repetition. But, use your anger wisely, so that you are not ostracized.

For quality communication books, go to www.how2talkeffectively.com

Seeking sympathy..playing "poor thing"....

People in general want to help others in need. Or, People are inherently kind and want to help those worse off than themselves. Whether this will make them feel better (that they are better off) or simply they have a reason to release their pent-up inner need to shine out. Whatever it is, people are sympathetic towards others who are humble to admit they have a weakness (or play weaker and "poor thing") .

People's immediate reaction is to protect the poor or weak. If you can use that to your advantage, you will win some arguments.

Visit some communication books at www.how2talkeffectively.com

The tone of your voice speaks for itself...

The tone of a person's voice speaks for itself...

If you are not getting the response you are expecting in conversation, try altering the tone of your voice. If you sound too rigid or firm or business-like or militant, try softer, gentler or loving tone. This works even if you're dealing with kids or adults.

By subtly altering the tone of your voice, can achieve somethings that you don't get to attain if you maintain a single demanding tone. The reaction you get will surprise you. Try it.

For business communication skills books, visit www.how2talkeffectively.com

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For guide on some good communication books, visit www.how2talkeffectively.com